I'm Getting Divorced... Simple habits that have made the change easier.

Well, hello. Last time we talked… I was still committed to my marriage and trying my best to continue the growing and healing it needed…

Now we’re separated
(and it’s such a relief to know it’s over).

Is that mean to say? I know it’s a little harsh, but it’s true… and I think you regular readers know me well enough to understand what I mean. Especially if you’ve been through a major break-up yourself…

Anyway, it’s been just over a week since I asked my (future ex) husband to leave.

Now I’m back to living by myself at the edge of the world- and I’m truly on my own for the first time in my life.

That feels terrifying and exhausting, but also thrilling. I’m flowing back and forth between “wow, challenge accepted!! Hello life!!” and “oh my gosh, how am I going to do this? Can I do this? Yes… I think… maybe… It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.”

Looking Around Me Today, I’m Increasingly Grateful For The Incredible Community And Teachers Who Have Touched My Life These Past Few Months.

I learned so much about habits in Carly Bank’s Everyday Ayurveda program and actually redesigned my entire life back in October with her support. She really helped me understand how to make habits stick and to let go of the shoulds and lean into the most simple changes that would have a real impact in my energy and happiness.

When my (future ex) husband moved out here with me after the program, a lot of the habits I’d built fell aside in the changing dynamics, but I kept the mindset and a few of the most impactful things I’d learned. Now that he’s gone, those lessons have been my rock.

(Note: Carly is a social media client of mine, but this isn’t sponsored in anyway. I just freakin’ love The Habit and this program was a really impactful experience that I want to tell you a little more about today. It’s too relevant not to mention.)

Little things matter most…
Things like making space.

Which I think I’ve made into a sort of art in my life… making space in my schedule, in my heart and mind, in what I expect of myself, and in the cozy RV I call home. I make space every day, especially if I don’t feel like I have enough time. It’s the only way I’ve been able to keep up with and continue to grow Revived Socials, publish Raped, Not Ruined and keep up with the pre-order rush, stay in touch with my family and what really matters, and not actually lose my mind in the midst of a 10+ year relationship coming to an end.

I’ve Had A Few Habits Lately That Don’t Help- Like Staying Up Too Late, Having A Little Too Much To Drink, And Forgetting To Eat Before I’m STARVING.

But… I’m tackling these one day at a time, one simple shift at a time.

Overall I think I’ve really handled the changes with the kind of grace and self-care I try to inspire and bring to life with my writing. I’ve woken up dehydrated and still-tired, kinda dreading facing that to-do list, and I’ve pushed away feelings of missing the habit of that long relationship and the presence of the 3 little dogs that have literally run my life for the past couple years… and instead of falling into a spiral about it all, I’ve shown myself a whole lot of love.

First thing in the morning, I reach for water and let it all wash over me. It’s like a ritual at this point.

Romantic wording aside, here’s what that looks like: I drink a giant glass of water first thing! Then, I splash my face with cool water (this alone makes me feel so much more alive and myself, oh my gosh you have to try it! Really- set an intention and splash your face with cool water next time you wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Game changer).

Then… I give myself space to breathe.

If I’ve Woken Up A Little Late, Okay. Cool.
Being 45 Seconds Later Isn’t Going To Be The End Of The World.

That’s one of the best things I learned during my time in Carly’s program: not to rush myself.
Step back and breathe, there’s always time for that.

Rushing just doesn’t work for me. It takes all of 12 minutes for me to really go through the list of things that make me feel AWESOME all day after doing in the morning… and less than 5 minutes to at least cover some basics that feel really good. 2 minutes to hit the bare minimum if I’m really that late.

The time is going to pass either way, and I’d rather make the seconds count. How I set myself up first-thing is going to ripple in impact throughout my day. I honor that morning space and take it one day at a time.

The thing about small habits is that once you really make them a habit, they don’t feel like a chore.
They just happen. Like brushing your teeth- you don’t groan about having to do it, you just do it.

This breakup has been a long-time coming…

And despite how surprised I am by the way it unfolded… it mostly feels liberating! It’s been a celebration of growth and transformation, reclaiming of who I am, and the most bittersweet surrender to what matters most. I feel myself coming back to my core and shining brighter every day. But… I also feel really tired sometimes, and these little habits are how I get through it! I really wanted to share that with you today in the thick of healing.

I hope this rambling has been helpful for you in some way! We’ll be back to our regular post schedule going forward.

Send love, my cup is a running little low today, but I wrote this just for you the best that I could.

See you Sunday for our weekly love-note. If you want on my email list to receive the Sunday love notes, you can subscribe here. I’d love to share with you.

Jessica