Too Little to Lead | The Edge of my Inner World

Photography by my lovely photographer Rachel Renee

Have you ever felt yourself grow massively in a short period of time? This is really common after major life changes… a breakup, a big move, a new career, a birth in the family, a death in the family, the realization of a dream come true…

If you’ve been following the blog lately, you know I’ve experienced a lot of those things in the past 6 months, one after another- so maybe this will come as no surprise:

Over the course of just a couple months, I’ve changed deeply on so many levels.

In the past two weeks alone, I’ve broken down half a dozen walls in my heart. . .

And the more I set myself free and lean into the depths of my own desire and joy and peace each day, the closer I feel to who I want to be. (Closer to soaring.) I feel closer to my loving core than I ever have- like every breath is an act of mindfulness, spinning something amazing into motion.

But at the same time, I feel this hesitation.

There’s this one last little bit of The Old Way I haven’t learned how to let go of yet… I’ve been playing with it, of course. Asking questions, getting curious about it, sharing with an epic coach and finding new lenses to see the situation through. Today, though, I woke up feeling a little defeated. I felt like these changes fell into place like dominoes, one after another so naturally. This last change is happening on its own too, but I’m eager for it. My impatience is getting in the way of my dream unfolding naturally.

This shift is an exciting one, and I have a feeling this moment of feeling stuck is the last stop on the journey to letting the next version of me in all the way.

I’ve been working for years on my books, personal development, building relationships and a community both in person and online, and growing my skills when it comes to Revived Socials (I announced the opening of Revived Socials Academy and launched our first course this week!!)… and I keep getting the message from my friends, family, clients, and even strangers online that I’m amazing at what I do- that I have a talent for it and a unique way of connecting that people really love and benefit from… I keep getting this nudge to own my skills and to step into the leadership role I’ve earned in these spaces.

This one thought just keeps getting me:

“But I feel so small.”

And these: “I’m just one person. My way isn’t “the right way,” it’s just the way I do it. There are other ways. Who am I to tell anyone how to do anything? I just found what works for me, and I want to share that with people who want it.”

I can hear the small thinking and self-put-downs in that thought process, but a strong part of me fully believes it, and that’s where I’ve been stuck.

I’m still leaning in, expanding my capacity for joy, and forgiving some old mistakes.

So… as I continue leaning into joy and celebrating the massive month of following-through that February 2020 has been… I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge where I’m feeling a little stuck. This is part of the process of becoming- we all go through it. Sometimes there’s a question you can ask, a visualization that will help, a coach that can help you talk through it… and sometimes the best shifts happen the moment you quit chasing them (by overthinking and poking at the process impatiently), and instead just get lost in the present moment and trust that you’re in perfect time with your own life.

The idea will come, the shift will happen, the changes will fall into place beautifully.

Naturally. On their own. This is true just as long as you can allow yourself to stay open to serendipity and new experiences. Sometimes the “hard work” you need to do is really just having the discipline, faith, and courage to let things be right where they are.

You have to accept yourself as you are before you can truly shift into a new change, don’t you think?

Share some thoughts with me in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you on this subject!