What comes after the "coming of age" story?

All of the lovely photographs in this post were taken by my favorite, Rachel Renee.

Do you love coming-of-age stories?

You know, the ones where a kid unwittingly starts playing a game, unaware of the grand adventure ahead of them, where they undergo massive changes, often before returning home with a new perspective on life?

When I left the land-locked borders of home I’d always known to live near the sea by myself at twenty-two, I had no idea what I was doing… but I knew it was exactly the next right step along my journey.

I’m a writer and an avid reader, so I think in plot-lines more often than not. I pay attention to themes in life too, which you’ve probably noticed if you regularly read this blog.

So, aware of my potential character role in my own life, when I moved to the coast, I remember thinking I would never feel so lost or uncertain ever again. I knew I just needed to be brave and take the steps to get me to that ocean home.

Boy, was I wrong about that.

(By the way, I’ve linked lots of the backstories and such throughout this post and set them to open up in a new tab so you won’t lose your place. These aren’t ads, just other posts I’ve written that you may like. There’s also a link to a song and a link to a writer who touches my heart, all pretty clearly labelled. Enjoy your journey and feel free to share in the comments! - Jess)

That was almost three years ago, and somehow, I am lost again.

I’ve been floating between homes, hearts, and identities for a few months now - ever since the broken heart I started crafting that first November out on the coast. When I left for the coast, I set myself free from so many of the ties and traumas that bound back home in the desert. I also discovered this intense fear of taking the next leap, of trusting myself fully and following my heart all the way (and not just kinda halfway, still trying to play it safe and not let people down, you know?).

Between journaling, facing fears head-on, gently guiding myself through the thoughts and shadows in my mind, and talking with coaches and my elders along the way, I found the courage to test my wings. I travelled across the country with someone I thought was the love of my life, despite the disapproving looks our unconventional match often brought on in public. (New here? For about two years I dated a man who was twice my age. We met in the RV park and, for a while, I believed it was the most epic love story of all time.) After exploring the edges of the US and finding nothing that felt quite right, we moved to Germany (where he was from) and I explored further than I’d ever been, once again.