An iconic update in the life and times of Jessica Bird.

What I’ve realized is that so much of the coaching world is built on fraud. Shady scammy frustrating marketing tactics that feed on people in the most vulnerable points of their lives.

The hardest thing for me to face through everything going on was that I was a part of the coaching scam cycle.

As humans, we naturally long to belong and feel safe and loved from the day we are born… but is it possible that in receiving that love, we actually end up staying small in life?

Today I’m here just to share my heart a little bit.

2018 was a year of transformation and breaking down walls, limiting beliefs, and old thought patterns.

I resolved to stop telling lies. But it was a lot harder than I expected! I didn’t want to go back and tell the truths, and face shame and mistrust. But the lies kept slipping out. I had an elastic band on my wrist I’d snap every time I lied. I wrote “I won’t tell lies” over and over and over in my notebook every single day (This was totally before that part of the Harry Potter series was out too! hahaha). I pinched myself every time I caught myself in a lie.

When I was in high school, the reality of my life potentially being half over hit me hard. I remember feeling so angry and hopeless. Frankly I was pissed that my life could be half over and I still had to go to high school. What a waste of time! Right? But mostly, I hurt knowing the pain I’d leave people in when I died.

After a while, I started to journal again. I was angry. Furious, all the time. I don't even know what I hated, but I hated it with all my heart. Myself? Him? The world? I still don't know who I was mad at during that time, but I was so angry I could hardly speak to anyone at all. When I wasn't angry, I was sobbing, when I wasn't angry or sobbing, I was asleep on a pillow wet from tears. When the tears wouldn't come anymore, I felt numb.

I'm not saying life is never good and that I'm just gonna be unhappy every day forever- that's probably not okay. That's probably pretty unhealthy, actually. I'm just saying sometimes life is hard.

I thought I could beat CF down with sheer will-power and a healthy lifestyle, and maybe in a perfect world I could, but in the real world that's just not realistic, and that's okay! I don't need to be ashamed when my body needs a little extra help.

I have always been the type of person who plans out every meal, every outfit, the route I’m going to take to get to class or work, how and when I am going to exercise for the entire week, etc. So to me, living in the moment was absolutely terrifying- and frustrating as hell!