How I Cope with Feeling Rushed

Sometimes I Love My Work So Much I Forget That It’s Work. Do You Know The Feeling?

I think it’s a dream, most of the time! But... I’m realizing that there comes a point where it’s also a problem.

Working in my RV | Photography by Rachel Renee

As a writer, my work is inherently creative.

Because of my creative nature, a strong theme in my life is living the balance between structure and freedom for my passions and talents to really thrive.

There’s a balance between the playful, curious spirit that goes into creativity and the more discerning, focused intentional action required to produce a desired result.

Sometimes I forget to take care of myself because I’m lost in my work.
That’s when loving my work too much becomes unhealthy. (Surprise!)

That’s not such a wild revelation on its own, but it hit me like a ton of bricks the other day. Being lost in my work feels amazing… but it’s not sustainable. The aftermath of constantly being lost in a swirl of creative passion isn’t pretty.

I keep finding myself laughing nervously about how it’s 2pm and I’ve forgotten to eat all day because I was lost in creating graphics for a client, brainstorming and outlining my next book, procrastinating editing the book I’m about to release… I put so much care into my habits and my daily routine, but it only takes one creative wave to wash me back to square one over the course of three weeks that feel like an hour. (Did that sentence take you for a ride? Me too, but it’s the truth.)

When I first moved to the edge of the world, time moved more slowly.

For months it felt that way, and I loved it. I reveled in every glorious second, soaking in how good it felt to be present and connected in the moment while disconnecting from my phone and any agenda. That space and silence is what I craved in moving here… and now that it’s not just me here at the edge of the world anymore, I’m struggling to let go of that beautiful time and embrace the moment as it is.

I have friends here now. My husband is here with me now. I have commitments within my business. I created deadlines for my books and an agreement with you, my readers making up this community I am so grateful for, to blog every Sunday and Wednesday. So now… my space isn’t this vast, slow-moving emptiness that I adored. And this is a good thing, life needs to go on. There’s beauty and power in the creative process, and it can’t all be staring in wonder at the world around me. Sometimes it means connecting with others, it means following through (and that feels amazing too). Sometimes it means listening and being there for others, or opening up and admitting I need help with something. Sometimes it means editing to produce something that translates to others with as much meaning as the original held for me. People can’t read my mind, so mindful editing is a gift to my readers.

I know this. But…

I’ve felt rushed lately.

Once I finished writing Raped, Not Ruined, it got really real that I was about to share this story with the world. There are parts of this story that are so deeply precious to me, and now I’m faced with the choice of really sharing the full story and putting these precious pieces of me into the hands of people around the world who don’t even know me… or editing out the most crucial truths that need to come out as a part of the #metoo conversation.

Of course I know I’m going to share the full story. Of course.
But that doesn’t make it hurt less. That doesn’t make it less scary.

I know that once a piece of my writing is published, it’s out of my hands. It’s up to the readers to determine what they do with it, it becomes their story.

From design projects to writing (and even editing), I love my work. I love that it’s something I come back to with curiosity and delight- and that even when it feels like I’d rather frolic in the forest than design another image… I find myself glowing with joy and gratitude as I work.

But recently?

My love for my work has been misused as a distraction from deeper things that I need to honor inside of myself.

I know so many of my readers are dreaming of this life where you can drop everything and just do The One Thing You Love. I know some of you have already started businesses or creative careers and you’re waiting for your big break, researching all that you can to try to increase your chances. I know a few of you have even made it big your craft, and you’re still nodding understanding this. I wrote this post to share a reality- that no matter who you are, what you do, or where you do it… you will always be learning and growing. There’s no paradise, no dream where it’s all just easy and peachy all the time.

To be clear: I adore where I am. Yes, I feel rushed into a new chapter of life right now, but I wouldn’t trade this moment for the whole world- not even the feeling rushed part.

This IS the point. This journey is life, it’s happening right now.

So love your work. Love yourself bravely, even the parts that are harder to face and scary to spend time with. And have the courage to see yourself right where you are… Even if it’s a little dissatisfying, even if there are things you would change. Even if you have intentions in place to slow down, to be more mindful, to put more time or care into your creations… whatever it is.

You are where you are. That’s worth celebrating.

I’m giving myself permission today to celebrate where I am.

In the mess, in the midst of final edits, with projects pulling me in different directions, feeling like decisions that hold my future in the balance are all demanding to be made right now… It’s okay. We all move at our own pace. I think the biggest thing that helps me in these moments is to lovingly put aside all of the expectations and just wholeheartedly choose and commit to celebrating exactly where I am in a moment. Physically, emotionally, all of it. I don’t have to like it all, I don’t have to stay here forever, I don’t have to pretend to be happy if I’m not, but I also don’t have to worry or feel guilty or anxious. I’m letting go of the expectations and giving myself this evening, this moment to just be here. Lean into it.

Exhale the expectations. Let it be what it is. Rejoice in the process.

Tonight I will rest and let it be enough- because even when work doesn’t feel like work, every creator needs a little rest once in a while.

I hope you found some peace in these ramblings.

Written for you with love,

Vera Lee Bird