Leadership and Courage

Remember a couple months ago when I talked about feeling too little to lead as I discovered the edge of my inner world?

(If you’re new here, hi! It’s probably helpful for you to know that all the hyperlinks in my articles go to past blog posts that dive deeper into the story! Follow the breadcrumbs that inspire you.)

Photography by Rachel Renee

It truly was the edge of my inner world as I looked down from the tippy top of the mountain of my dreams wondering, “now what?” In 2019, I left behind all I’d ever known to move to the edge of the world, a home in the forest along the Oregon coast in my new RV home. In 2020, I broke free from a ten year relationship that I had been forcing myself to be better at and in while my soul crumbled in the process. Finally, I granted myself the space I needed. Receiving, taking up space, and asking for help is so incredibly difficult, and this is me acknowledging the feat! I’m proud of myself, and if you’re in a similar process for yourself, I’m sending you buckets of love and strength. You can do this. You are worthy. Keep going.

In the process of setting myself free, I finally found my voice.

The one I’d been looking for and trying to coax out of my heart for years. The voice that allowed me to actually speak to the beliefs I held and causes that mattered to me, even to those I love most (like in the letter I wrote to my grandpa as I processed the pain of knowing he voted for a president who would gleefully bring harm to me and my friends… and the follow up post I wrote in response to my family’s outrage and defense of racist ideals).

I used to struggle to speak up for myself - from ordering a coffee with something extra special about it to stating my opinions or setting boundaries around family. Explaining myself further when I was misunderstood or persisting if I was brushed off was absolutely out of the question… but something changed when I ended my marriage. I’d spoken up for my needs and showed my little voice that I was listening and ready to live my truth, even if it meant letting people see me… Even if it meant taking up a little more space on this planet and no longer sitting as small and quiet and discrete and conveniently as possible.

I learned to value my own truth… and let go of the fear of being misunderstood.

Now I know that if someone doesn’t understand me, and they really care to, then the conversation will continue. Speaking up isn’t a one-and-done thing. Conversation is ongoing, especially the most important conversations such as those around love, social justice, societal expectations and norms, and the needs and desires between any two human hearts. There will always be people who misunderstand and are committed to not understanding… and I’ve learned that it’s not my job to worry about those ones. If and when they want a new perspective or care to step on my map, they will make that effort. Otherwise… my people know who they are and we have work to do. I can have faith in that and carry on.

Now that I am able to use both my voice and my heart… I don’t feel too little to lead anymore.

I’ve gotten to know that spark in my soul so intimately. I know what I’m capable of… and while I’m always learning, I also have the gift of having been committed to journaling, mindfulness, and contemplation as a daily ritual for over a decade, so I’m highly self-aware most days.

(That sounds kinda snobby to me re-reading it, but the more people I talk openly with about mindfulness and impact, the more I hear that my level of self-awareness is rare and inspiring and really beautiful to people. It’s uncomfortable for me to acknowledge, but I think that in acknowledging it, it also helps to explain and empower my readers, and hopefully helps you to never judge yourself or compare us, but to instead look to what you want and need most in your connection with yourself. I hope that you’re able to see through my sharing how I’ve created the lifestyle, mindset, beliefs, self-compassion and grace, that I have, so that you can have ideas and actionable steps to take to create a similar foundation of peace and mindfulness in your own life. I’m most certainly not perfect, but I hope that what I’ve learned in myself through those reflective years and in each morning and evening can serve you through my stories too.)

Something else that has shifted, especially as I’ve grown and continued to learn how to be more actively and intentionally anti-racist, is that I’m no longer allowing perfectionism and fear of making mistakes (or doing something wrong) keep me in silent stillness.

I never used to feel ready to lead anything or to speak up about social, political, economic, or financial issues.

These felt so much bigger and more official and sophisticated and highly educated than I felt I was worthy of being part of a conversation around… I didn’t want to make a fool of myself, make a mistake that accidentally hurt somebody or added more drama to a political conversation or caused more harm in racial issues I had no business being a part of.

It all felt other-than me. It felt bigger than me and far away from me.

Now, I see that to be the change you wish to see, you have to be part of the world around you. You have to participate. I’m reading this book on leadership rooted in the life and philosophy of Gandhi right now, and it’s incredible to me how angry Gandhi must have been at times. I’m looking at great leaders and rebels who have inspired me throughout my life and who inspire society at large as well… Rosa Parks, MLK, and Gandhi always stand out to me. Mother Theresa fits in there for me as well…

When I looked at what these leaders had in common in the past, I thought:

“wow, they were so strong. They were calm, cool, collected. They had deep roots, they knew who they were so that they were able to stand firmly in the face of injustice. They helped people.”

Looking at them now, I’m wondering how I convinced myself they were never angry or harsh, that they never made mistakes.

I imagine they planned their moments, knew exactly what they were doing and it would go down in history… But what I’m realizing now is that they weren’t just grounded. They were brave. They were the kind of brave I think maybe people see budding in me. The kind of brave where you commit to your values, where you live them deeply and you hold yourself to the same standards in both your public and your private life. There’s no blurred line between what’s professional or socially acceptable and who you really are.

When I read the works of these great leaders, I find that they each felt lonely at times, and that they felt it was hopeless but still couldn’t allow themselves to stop living their values, even if it had painful consequences. I read that they also had incredible faith, be it in God or themselves or the goodness of mankind (what I call the loving core in a lot of my writing)…

The bottom line: They all felt uncertain, angry at times, afraid at times, and didn’t quite know what they were doing, and they just did their best with each moment. They took action. Messy, imperfect action with good intentions… and then they did it again and again. Their actions were a part of the conversation, and sometimes they did stumble over the words. And in those times, they would take pause and reflect or reconnect with the values that drove them, and choose their next action accordingly in order to make it right.

They weren’t amazing leaders because they never made mistakes.

They were great leaders because they had the courage to make mistakes and the integrity to acknowledge those mistakes and make them right.

Example: Have you heard about times when Gandhi was violent? There are incredible stories of how he made mistakes… and what he did after to make it right and spread the message and value of non-violence. He never claimed to be perfect at it, he was just persistent in the pursuit of non-violence; he kept trying.

I’ve noticed the more my voice comes out, the more people look to me as a leader…and the more passionate and inspired I become by my work, especially writing and conversation. I’m learning more every day about what it means to be a leader and who I want to be as people look to me. I think in the world today, all of us are called to be leaders where it matters most to us. Our hearts and souls are getting louder, maybe because they feel the deterioration of our beautiful Mother Earth reaching terrifying states… and that most beautifully human loving core in each of us is speaking louder.

I don’t know yet what it really means to be a leader, but I think it has something to do with inspiring the best in people and bringing about loving and mindful action… So I’m doing my best to learn how to serve in the lights that find me while honoring the values and inspiration that drive me each day. I hope that being part of the journey ignites your soul in precious ways as well. Whoever you’re becoming, keep going.

Love always,

Vera Lee Bird