A Letter to the Girl I Once Was

In 2019, I changed my life. . . and I’m leaving this decade more myself than ever, but at the same time an entirely different person. Here’s what I would say to the girl I was two years ago, given the chance.

In truth, I wouldn’t really change a thing. But I hope this message serves others and makes their journey a little deeper, a little easier, a little kinder. . . The girl I once was will never read this, but you will, and I believe you’re here for a reason.

Dear girl,

Look at you. I know you don’t see it yet, but you’re creating something magnificent with your life. Keep those dreams close (I know you will), look at that vision board and don’t feel silly for a moment. Someday people are going to ask you how you did it all, and you’re going to point to that collage of your dreams, glued to a $0.59 poster board. You’re going to laugh about the ways it all came true, over a bowl of soup with an incredible woman who took a taxi an hour both ways just to meet you on the Oregon coast and write an article about you that would inspire other incredible creators and entrepreneurs. (#spoilers)

You’re even going to host a live webinar teaching people about your unique way of creating these boards- because your serendipitous approach to your goals is something people want to learn more about! (Oh yeah, and you’re going to keep making vision boards every year, by the way. It wasn’t a one-time thing afterall.)

There will be challenges along the way, and you already know you’re resilient and capable, but I hope you don’t let yourself fall too deep. The challenges are powerless over you until you surrender to them. Don’t. Let yourself ache, but don’t ever push yourself into a corner to stay out of someone else’s way. You can’t be hurt the way you were as a child- because now you have the power to get up and leave. Never forget that power, and never give it away. Next time you find yourself squeezing into a tiny little room to hide from someone, pick yourself up and walk out. And then don’t look back, they don’t need to understand. If they want to understand, they will put forth the effort- it’s not your job to make people understand your choices.

You are not that cowering, dependent little girl anymore. I wish you’d seen that sooner (though I promise the way you do finally discover it is awesome).

You Know That Affirmation About All Your Dreams Already Being On Their Way To You?

The one you kinda scoff at every time you try to say the words? Yeah. . . that one was actually true. And also- the Phenomenal Woman exercise in Rebecca Campbell’s book? Do that sooner, rather than later. And when you meet another Jessica who changes your perspective on spider, cherish her. Don’t forget that, no matter how small or weak you feel, nobody else has it anymore figured out than you do- show your loving encouragement every chance you get. In most peoples’ eyes, you are very strong- believe it or not. Your encouragement and belief means something to people. Use that with love.

I wish you knew how to celebrate the way you love and see the world- I can’t wait for you to know that feeling! You feel silly and unusual sharing what lights you up today but someday you’re going to see that unique perspective of yours light up hundreds of faces. (Maybe even thousands, I’ll let you know in the mirror someday.)

Celebrate Rupi Kaur, Elizabeth Gilbert, Nikita Gill, Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift. Don’t hold back your celebrations and enjoyment of life just because other people don’t understand the depth of what things or people mean to you.

That Love You Hold For The World And The Moment In Front Of You- That Belongs To You.

Treasure it, don’t toss it aside for anything. Ever.

Keep going with your books- those few minutes each morning are even more powerful than you imagined when you set that little goal. Keep going with your meditation practice, even when it feels silly or insignificant. Even when you forget for a few days. Keep doing it.

Look what will come from it:

Treasure those brunches with grandpa, and take your sisters more often. Get your grandpa to tell you more stories about his life- he’s not gone, but I miss him and I really wish you had. Don’t forget to hug your brothers, you’re going to miss them a whole bunch. Trust your mom a little more, be gentle with your dad.

Try Not To Let The Hero In Your Mind Distract You From Loving The Human Being In Front Of You.

Take care of yourself. Ask questions. Give your fear a big huge hug, and then do what it says not to do.

And listen, when you’re broken on the bathroom floor and you wish you could die? Grab a fuzzy blanket and your favorite book. Drink a glass of water. Call your sister when the sun comes up, and go tell her the truth about what’s crushing you. Share your burden, it’s better shared than you dead inside for months, trust me please.

And don’t worry. That phase is short-lived. It does pass.

Epic Things Are Coming, But You Already Have All Of The Delightful Radiance And Talent You Need To Make Your Dreams Happen.

Your life becomes like The Book of Flying. You make magical friends on an unexpected (but completely inevitable) adventure, you feel the most incredible love, enjoy fantastic little towns and meet people who could be Hogwarts professors every single day. The views, the feelings, and even the magic of those tales fill your life today, believe it or not. Revel in this journey of becoming, enjoy the way there and I promise it will fall into place.

I’ll see you in the mirror.

I love you so much more than you know right now.

Yours,

The woman you’ve become