It’s a book about healing from rape and it’s full of the raw emotions that come through the experience. There’s raging fury, devastation, hope, crushing exhaustion and deep depressions. Self-loathing. Forgiveness. Peace. Shattering and opening up over and over.

One of the greatest lessons I learned in the process of leaving my whole life behind to follow my dreams was to lean into discomfort even when everything is changing. So often we have the urge to duck out, slow down, or hit the brakes when life feels new. There’s no harm in slowing down, but I think it’s important to learn to lean in at least some of the time. When ego and fear creep in, challenge yourself to get curious.

So often we have the urge to duck out, slow down, or hit the brakes when life feels new. There’s no harm in slowing down, but I think it’s important to learn to lean in at least some of the time. When ego and fear creep in, challenge yourself to get curious.

I’ve been much more intentional in how I use words lately... I’m learning to allow my light to shine and honor what’s right for me even when it’s scary. This adventure brought me to a realization that made my love life so much easier… What I finally came to understand is that people aren’t capable of saying what they mean to others if

I love that song. And today, it sparked this realization for me… I’ve been in this relationship for 10 years come February… and I’ve been building a lego house of a home with him. I’ve been building something I could just knock down and walk away from if things went wrong.

The pain doesn't stay like this forever, like there's a hole in your chest, like your foot is falling through the air in the dark. It passes. I want you to know however you cope, it is okay.

The biggest change I saw in myself was my heart opening up wide. Not just to share vulnerably, but also to be seen myself the way I see others. I opened my heart up without the expectation/anticipation/fear of judgement. I opened my heart to being loved, to having others feel the same joy and gratitude in me that I’ve felt for them. I let it in, and it washed over me in waves. It changed me, all the way to my core.

After the whirlwind of the previous several years and a lifetime without stability. . . I thought I had no roots.

Being a renter moving from apartment to apartment with every lease coming up didn’t exactly feel like having a home- but when you move from that to an RV with no address at all? Oh boy! THAT is truly free from any root.

At first it was liberating- I thought maybe I didn’t need to strive for roots after all. . .

I’ve been hurting a lot inside, especially the past couple weeks, and today I’m finally feeling like myself again. Not like another wave on the roller coaster, but finally truly at home in my own heart again.

But, like we talked about yesterday, it’s really tough for me to open up to receiving. Love, praise, kindness, gifts. It’s hard for me, because I’m afraid to look at who people think I am and what they think I deserve. I have this wall up… and to be honest it’s not a very thick wall. It’s made of a flaky pastry layer. But most people see a wall and go the other way- the path of least resistance- so it’s a pretty good little defense I have there…

But, like we talked about yesterday, it’s really tough for me to open up to receiving. Love, praise, kindness, gifts. It’s hard for me, because I’m afraid to look at who people think I am and what they think I deserve. I have this wall up… and to be honest it’s not a very thick wall. It’s made of a flaky pastry layer. But most people see a wall and go the other way- the path of least resistance- so it’s a pretty good little defense I have there…

Despite the dream come true…and despite the peace and quiet of nature, I found my inner voice absolutely restless… and relentlessly cruel and critical.

When I refuse myself the same grace and compassion I hold for others, I become the painful intolerance I hope to ease in this world. I need to embrace that even when I’ve made a mistake or fallen into anger, loving kindness and compassion are the ways to get through it. Not isolation as punishment.

I got really scared leading up to the move, which meant my walls went WAY up and my defensiveness levels were through the roof. Every little thing felt like a challenge or a threat- to the point that I couldn’t stand my own thoughts. Finally making it out to the coast, I expected relief as I shed all the expectations and frustrations I’d been feeling pressured by back home.

I wish there had been someone who I admired to share their horror stories with me, someone to show me that I could still be successful, that I wasn't any less of a person, that I was worthy of whatever life I was willing to buckle down and work hard to create.

Here’s the big secret to my fresh perspective on life!

I’m going alone to the edge of the world to write my healing story. (And then bring it back to you.) I’m going alone to the edge of the world to explore healing in a new way. To face myself, exactly as I am without the buffer of the distractions I’ve grown accustomed to.